Vancouver BC

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 I'm trying to figure a lot of things out. I've been trying for a while now. And for a bit I think I have it. Then I look a little deeper into my heart and wonder, have I just brushed what I don't want to face into a corner? Into a part of my heart that is just harder to get to? This summer I wanted to keep busy. the kind of busy that doesn't even really let you catch your breath. The summer is behind us now and it was fun, and I have 3 happy summered kids. But now I can breath. I can think. And it lets my heart starts to hurt where I've crambed the hurt into. It's hard to explain, and I'm not really sure I could no matter how long I pushed and pulled through my thoughts. Sometimes there just aren't the right words. But one thing I'm sure of is everyone wants to feel secure. Somehow I have it in my heart that when I lost my sister I lost that sence of security as well. And of all the things I want, I want to talk to my sister again. To feel that love. The feelings that come with a close friendship. I can't seem to filter through the loss, and because of that I have turned it off. Its a weak move. I'm fully aware of it. Not only is it weak its not working, but I'm working on it. I want to open my heart and thoughts again. Please don't judge me in this. I am simply trying to do my best. To be the best mother to my children that I can. To love them all equally. To give each of them that feeling of security and love. If my thoughts upset you I would only ask that you try to be patient with me. Sometimes I may need to talk about Merin, and other times it will simply be about my little family that I focus on. As this is how my life flows now. Somedays I can feel whole and happy, then something like the first day of Ysa's school comes and my heart breaks for my sister and Mike. That they miss it. That I don't. They miss their first baby going to school as I watch that same baby, my baby go into school. Everything in me wishes my sister was here. And these are the moments I feel weak, or broken, or something isn't healing like it should... So I breath in and turn it off. I turn away from the memories of Merin and onto the present. I guess because its been five years since the accident and I want to be past this point. I want to be whole again. I'm working it.

Contax 645
Fuji film


Bee Keeping with Uncle Brad in Eugene


You know there are some people you are just so proud of? The people you just want for everyone to know that you are somehow connected to them? My uncle Brad would be one of those people for me. I just love him! I mean honestly, he is soooo cool. If I were to list his every talent and characteristic you would probably shake your head and say - ya, ok. BUT it's true! Then just when I thought he couldn't be any cooler, a few years ago he started his new hobbie of beekeeping. So my Dad, Daylan and Bradley suited up and played for awhile during our visit to Eugene :)

Contax 645


Santa Monica | Santa Barbara 007606-R1-002eden3 007606-R1-009eden2 007606-R1-006eden4 007605-R1-0095 007608-R1-006eden6 007608-R1-013eden7 007608-R1-012eden8 007608-R1-016eden9 007608-R1-003eden10 007608-R1-007eden11 007608-R1-009eden12 003702-R1-008eden13 007605-R1-015eden14 007605-R1-004eden17 007605-R1-003eden16 007605-R1-005eden18 007605-R1-001eden18 003702-R1-007eden20 003702-R1-002eden21 003702-R1-003eden23 003702-R1-006eden1 003702-R1-004eden22 007603-R1-010eden25 007605-R1-013eden26 007606-R1-013eden19 007605-R1-010eden19 

Califonia: no shame as we were the penultimate tourists. Renting tandom bikes (despite my cane), hitting museums, and eating amazingly unhealthy yet incredibly yummy food. I wonder if everyone eats their way from Little Denmark's bakerys to boardwalks?! We stayed in some beautiful little hotels and I was even able to walk without my cane for a few days! So simple, but I really feel there couldn't be anything better than a few days to breat in the ocean air and reconnect.

Contax 645 Fuji film Kodak